Taste for Gold

Taste for Gold

JJ watched with dislike the car which parked beside the pavement, and the guy who stepped out of the car.

- What are you doing in my area, Kirk? he asked his brother-in-law.

Kirk Dennis was married to JJ’s sister Juno. JJ looked like their dad, Joker, with green hair and purple suit.

- You’re so friendly in your family. Kirk smiled. Do you like gold ingots?

- What kind of stupid question is that? Sure I like gold ingots!

JJ went passed Kirk and opened the car’s trunk.

- Where are the gold ingots? he asked when he didn’t find any.

- Not there, JJ. They’re coming into Gotham National Bank tomorrow. Juno and I want some of them. Do you want to share?

- What about DeeDee? You’re not taking the kids with you?

- We can’t bring them with us. They’re staying with Harley. She uses to be a babysitter when we’re committing crimes. We’ve discussed everything with her. She wants some of the gold ingots too.

- Sure she wants.

Harley was still in control. She influenced the children’s crimes.

Juno’s and Kirk’s twin daughters were born during their parents’ time at Gotham University. There had been a lot of talk about Joker’s and Harley Quinn’s grandchildren. There had been more talk about the massacre JJ caused when he got A- and not A+ in Chemistry. Commissioner Barbara Gordon had, stupidly enough she realized, asked Harley for help. As usual Harley had started with harassing Barbara for her crutches, and then she thought that JJ could continue to fire bazooka because the teacher had been unfair. She praised JJ for being as clever as Joker. JJ had been convicted to psychiatric care at Arkham Asylum, but there he killed two guards and escaped.

- I’ll be boss. That you’re shagging Juno doesn’t make us equal.

- Sure, JJ. Kirk realized that he shouldn’t argue with JJ. He and Juno also needed the extra hands. We’ll se you tomorrow night then. We’ll call you.

- No, I’ll call you. We’ll meet in the alley outside the bank. See ya!

JJ left. He was as lethal as Joker and he liked it. Kirk went into the car and drove away. Being married into the Happy Family was usually a good thing, but sometimes Kirk didn’t like it. He didn’t want too much to do with JJ.

Kirk drove home to Harley where Juno and DeeDee were. Harley and Juno were playing with DeeDee. The twins spent most of the time with their grandmother. Harley told them stories about their granddad. DeeDee, Delia and Deidre Dennis, wanted to become Killer Clowns when they grew up. Because of their crimes Juno and Kirk had lost custody of DeeDee. Now Harley was their custodian. Commissioner Gordon didn't like it, but she couldn't prove that Harley was involved in the crimes.

- Hiya! JJ’s coming to the bank tomorrow.

- I knew he would, said Juno. You have to stay with grams then, DeeDee. mommy and daddy and uncle JJ are robbing the bank.

Next day JJ, Juno and Kirk met in the alley outside the bank. Juno jumped out of the car dressed in Harley’s jester costume. Kirk thought that Juno and JJ were copies of their parents.

JJ broke into a sideways door and they went into the bank. They saw how the guards transported the gold ingots from the garage to the vault. When the truck was empty most of the guards left. Soon only one guard was left outside the vault.

This was the moment to attack. The guard looked surprised when JJ, Juno and Kirk came out from their hiding place. JJ pointed a gun at him.

- What’s this? Is it some kind of masquerade?

- No, jerk. It’s your funeral.

JJ shot the guard. He started laughing and kicked the guard when he passed him.

- That was fun! C’mon, it’s time for the gold ingots.

The door was blown open with explosives and they went into the vault. JJ started laughing even more when he saw the gold ingots.

- Hiya, sweeties! Waiting for me!

They started grabbing the gold ingots. Then the alarm started.

- Take the gold ingots out to the car, said JJ. It’s time to leave.

Juno and Kirk went out of the vault carrying two gold ingots each. They were then spotted by some guards who had heard the shooting and the explosion.

- Bank robbers! They’ve killed one guard!

Juno and Kirk started fighting with the guards. JJ took the opportunity to leave through the air vent. When he climbed out, carrying two gold ingots, he spotted Batman.

- Stop! Give me the gold ingots!

- Sure, Batfake!

JJ banged one of the gold ingots in Batman’s head. When Batman was knocked down JJ ran to his purple car and drove away. Batman didn’t wake up before Barbara Gordon was shaking him.

- Terry! Wake up! What happened?

- JJ Napier happened. He knocked me down with a gold ingot.

- His sister and brother-in-law are here too. I recognize their car. Follow me, I want to nail them!

Batman and Barbara hurried into the bank. Barbara was slower with her crutches, but quite fast. They were in time to see Juno knocking yet another guard down.

- Police! Freeze!

Barbara pointed her gun at Juno and Kirk. They stopped fighting with the guards, but they were not scared.

- Take a look! Invalid-Gordon!

- Kirk Dennis, Juno Dennis, just the way you use to be. Stop, Juno! Put that thing down!

- Have you never seen a cell phone, copper? I’m calling my kids to tell them that mommy will be late for dinner. Hiya, DeeDee! mommy and daddy have a meeting with Invalid-Gordon and Batfake. Please tell grams. See ya!

- That’s enough. I’m handcuffing you know. Where’s JJ? I knew he was here. He knocked Batman down outside.

- He’s so clever! How should I know where he is? He didn’t tell me.

- I’m sure he’s with Harley. I’m taking you into custody.

Juno and Kirk made faces at Barbara and Batman when they passed them.

- Nya nya nya nya nya nya! Stupid, stupid Invalid-Gordon!

- Nya nya nya nya nya nya! Stupid, stupid Batfake!

- You must think you’re funny now, said Barbara.

- No, we don’t, we know we are, said Kirk.

Barbara called for backup. Juno and Kirk were transported to custody. Barbara was relieved when she god rid of them. They had made fun of her the whole time.

- Time for a visit to Harley’s place. It’s the Happy Family’s headquarter.

Batman followed Barbara’s police car in the batmobile. They stopped outside Harley’s house.

- You might be surprised when you meet Harley, explained Barbara. She doesn’t look like a mass murderer. But she’s as cruel as Joker. They were lethal together and they had no conscience. Talk about role-models for the kids. I’m not surprised that the kids have freaked out. Harley handled them like dolls and toys when they were small. I was shocked when she got pregnant, both times. She’s insane. It’s very severe borderline. And surprisingly she’s got a PhD in Psychology.

Barbara and Batman rang at the door. Harley soon opened.

- Look what Catwoman dragged in! Invalid-Gordon and Batfake. That’s one copper and one bad copy. Do I have a parking ticket?

- Cut the talking, Harley, said Barbara and went into the house. Where’s JJ?

- At Arkham.

- Don’t try, Harley. You know he has escaped.

- Really?

So this was Harley Quinn, Batman thought. He agreed that the slim, still attractive woman didn’t look like a mass murderer. She must have been a knockout in her young days. Her bleached hair had turned grey, her big blue eyes were cold and a malicious smile played around her lips. She was a knockout in more than one sense. She had been a master in using her popgun and in fighting. The guys who had stared too much at Harley had been robbed, tortured or killed, or all of it. Harley and Joker had loved to lure people into evil traps just because they thought it was funny. They had made fun of everyone, using their biggest fears to influence them. A big, framed photo of Joker was on the wall. He had a big smile. Batman thought that JJ looked the same. Two small girls were sitting on the couch watching TV. They were obviously Juno’s and Kirk’s children, Harley’s and Joker’s grandchildren.

- I know Juno called, continued Barbara. Tell the kids that mommy and daddy are in custody.

- They will be shocked! Harley approached the couch. DeeDee, mommy and daddy are arrested, but they will soon be free again. These people are friends of Batsy. You know Batsy’s friends killed granddad. Don’t talk to them. They’re mean.

- I’ll take a look around the house, said Barbara.

Barbara and Batman didn’t find any trace of JJ in the house.

- I’ll find JJ, Harley, and when I do I’ll arrest him.

- Don’t imagine things, Invalid-Gordon. You know it can be lethal. Like not checking who’s outside the door before opening. That was a Killing Joke.

Barbara and Batman left. They were happy to leave the Happy Family. It was always unpleasant. Joker’s ghost dominated the house. Harley was just the way she had always been, and the kids were the same.

- Killing Joke! said Barbara. That was when Joker crippled me. To them it’s a joke. Joker laughed at me, took off my clothes and photographed me. He wanted to get at both me and my dad. He knew I was Batgirl and used the photographs for making my dad insane.

- Fascinating to meet Joker’s widow. I can picture her in the jester costume, the way Juno looks. Bruce took one of the jester costumes from one of the hideouts as a trophy. When I was in the batcave once JJ came in and claimed it back. The jester costume was after all Harley’s and I gave it to him. He said that he hadn’t come to fight, but he ended his visit with knocking me down. Bruce found me on the floor. I have never underestimated JJ again.

Barbara and Batman left. Harley and DeeDee watched them from the window.

- Finally they’re gone! said Harley. She went to the other window and opened it. JJ! Invalid-Gordon and Batfake have disappeared! You can stop hiding in the dustbin and come into the house! You don’t have to keep the car among aunt Poison Ivy’s bushes anymore either.

- Great! JJ climbed into the window. They’re so stupid! They never thought about searching the backyard. I’ll start with a shower. Then we can start planning for breaking Juno and Kirk out. Hiya, DeeDee! JJ hugged his nieces. Here is a gift for you, mommy.

- A gold ingot! Thanks, JJ! Daddy would be proud of you.

- You know I’m the new Clown Prince of Crime, mommy.