The Penguin and the Assistant

The Penguin and the Assistant

-What are we looking for outside Gotham Airport, Barbara?

Batman had joined Barbara when she was investigating outside the airport.

-JJ came here a while ago, perhaps he’s planning something.

Then JJ came out with a woman in a wheelchair.

-That’s what he was here for then, she’s probably back from some book convention. She seems to be in a more permanent wheelchair now.

-Who’s the woman in the wheelchair? I guess Joker didn’t cripple her too.

-He wouldn’t had crippled her, that’s the Assistant. They hired to tell their version.

JJ and the Assistant got into the car and drove away. Then they passed Iceberg Lounge. The Penguin was outside checking out the posters. JJ stopped and got out with the Assistant and they approached the Penguin who wasn’t prepared for them coming.

-Hiya, Pengu, looks who’s back in town!

-Can’t I ever get rid of her?

-No, you can’t get rid of her and you can’t hurt her either.

-I’m not convicted for anything she’s told you. She’s put a spell on you too. I don’t know why you’re so nice and helpful to her.

-Carrie and I are friends and I’m protecting her. If you ever think of anything again I’ll kill you. By the way, Pengu, we want to book a table for tonight. Carrie and I are coming and the rest of the Happy Family.

-Awful!

JJ and the Assistant left. The Penguin stood outside Iceberg Lounge and muttered.

-Can’t I ever get rid of her? Batman, does everyone want to scare me today?

The Penguin hadn’t noticed that Batman had arrived.

-How do you know the Assistant?

-I don’t know her anymore, I knew her long ago. She’s my ex-wife. Lilith the Witch put a spell on me. Then she joined the Killer Clowns and started also writing their story. She has worked for Two-Face and he wrote the divorce papers that she forced me to sign. JJ feels he’s responsible for her. She has convinced them that I’m guilty but that’s nothing I’m convicted for.

-Are there any penguin chicks then?

-With that cripple? It wouldn’t work. Also she wanted pets. To annoy me the Happy Family is visiting Iceberg Lounge tonight. Awful!

The Penguin returned into Iceberg Lounge and Batman returned to Barbara.

-Here’s news, the Assistant is the Penguin’s ex-wife, he was upset and talked about that’s he’s not convicted for anything that happened to her.

-Strange, what could they once have had in common? JJ and the Assistant are probably going to Harley’s place now, let’s find out.

When Barbara and Batman got to the Happy Family Headquarter they were surprised to find the Assistant half-dressed on the couch and that JJ was putting needled in her body.

-What on earth are you doing, JJ? asked Barbara.

-Haven’t you ever heard of acupuncture, bitch? asked JJ. I can put a stake through your head, goes in from the top of the head and goes out through the chin, would look good.

-News from the Penguin that the Assistant is his ex-wife, said Batman.

-He can’t stand that I’m protecting her now, I’ve warned him that I’ll kill him.

-You’re dating Dana, but who’s your true love? asked Carrie.

-Juno is my true love, I don’t want Dana!

-Terry, you’re confessing your love for Juno! said Barbara.

-You’re married to Sam, but what about your true love then?

-Bruce is my true love, I don’t want Sam!

-Barbara, now you’re confessing your love for Bruce! said Batman.

Then Batman suddenly saw Juno coming into the living room.

-Juno, my true love has arrived! I love you with passion, Juno, I want to spend my life with you!

-That’s my wife!

Kirk had come into the living room too. Batman had started hugging and kissing Juno.

-It’s time for them to leave the Happy Family Headquarter and go to the Batcave! said JJ.

Then Barbara and Batman didn’t know what happed. After a while they woke up in the Batcave.

-Hello, Barbara! Hello, Terry! What’s happened now?

-Lilith the Witch put a spell on us! explained Barbara. We investigated what JJ was doing at the airport and he went there to pick up the Assistant. She made Terry confess his love for Juno!

-Then Barbara confessed her love for you, Bruce!

-The spell made me say anything!

-She said she didn’t want Sam despite he’s her husband!

-It was her spell that made me say anything!

-I confessed my love for Juno and you confessed your love for Bruce!

-You’re in love with Juno, she must have put some more strange spell on me to make me say anything! Anyway, I must return to GCPD.

Barbara left the Batcave.

-Dangerous love spells obviously, said Bruce, best to stay away from her magic.