Tonight on Stage – The New Killer Clowns

By Harley Quinn’s Assistant copyright © 2005-2024

Commissioner Barbara Gordon was kneeling behind the police car. She had her gun in one hand and her crutches in the other. There was a showdown with Jokerz who had broken into an antique shop. The wannabees imitated Joker, but everyone who had met the original knew they were bad copies.

When Barbara in a glimpse saw a dark figure land beside her she knew who it was. The new Batman, Terry McGinnis. The Great Dane, Ace, was at his side.

- Need any help, Barbara?

- I have control over the situation.

All of a sudden a purple car arrived. It parked beside the antique shop. A guy in purple suit and green hair stepped out. He was carrying a bazooka.

- Another Jokerz? asked Batman.

- No, he’s very far from a Jokerz. It will get nasty now. You better stay out.

- Hiya, bad copies! shouted the newly arrived guy. I’m the new Clown Prince of Crime!

Batman was shocked to see the guy starting firing bazooka at Jokerz. When many Jokerz lay dead or injured on the pavement, he started laughing, jumped into his purple car and drove away.

GCPD could unwillingly thank the guy for changing the situation in their behalf. Barbara and her team could now easily overpower what was left of Jokerz. They had to recruit new members. When they were transported to custody Batman again landed at Barbara’s side. He knew Barbara was shocked. She was leaning on her crutches, looking pale and tired.

- Who was that? asked Batman. He didn’t have to be clear about whom he was asking.

- He’s name is JJ Napier. He’s Joker’s and Harley Quinn’s son. Do you remember the massacre at Gotham University? It wasn’t that long ago.

- Yes, many people were killed at the graduation day.

- JJ Napier killed them. He had A- and not A+ in Chemistry.

- Was that his motive? That’s not logical!

- To the Killer Clowns it is. JJ Napier has escaped from Arkham, were his parents used to stay. Help me to catch him. He could still be in the neighborhood.

Batman and Barbara split up to investigate. Batman parked the batmobile and went into a nearby alley. Suddenly Ace started barking. Then Batman saw a girl at a distance. It was a blond, pretty girl, with pigtails, dressed in a black skirt and a red top. Batman approached her. The girl smiled at him.

- This is no good environment for a lonely girl, said Batman.

- I feel safe now, said the girl. You’re Gotham’s savior. I heard some shooting before. I got so scared. What happened?

- A criminal was firing at some other criminals. Commissioner Gordon and I are looking for him.

- And you’ve got a dog too! My brother has two pets.

Ace growled at the girl. He obviously didn’t like her. Batman found it embarrassing.

- Quiet, Ace!

- Do you know the other Batman?

- He’s my mentor.

- He must think you’re a clever student.

The girl went closer to Batman. He could smell her perfume. She smiled at him. Then she put her arms around his neck. She was close to give him a kiss. Batman felt dizzy, attracted.

- Batman! Watch out!

Barbara had come into the alley. The girl turned away from Batman. He saw hatred in her eyes.

-Batfake!

All of a sudden the girl attacked Batman. She obviously also had fighting skills. The girl launched a kick at Batman which made him fall to the ground. When Ace attacked her, the girl also made him fall to the ground with a kick. It was time for Barbara to interfere.

-Juno! Freeze!

Barbara pointed her gun at the girl. The girl started laughing, before attacking Barbara.

- Invalid-Gordon! In your dreams! You’re crutching around as always!

Both Barbara and the girl fell to the ground when they were fighting. Barbara then hit the girl with one of her crutches, and the girl was thrown to the ground. Then Barbara came to her feet again.

- Crutches are good to fight with!

With a somersault the girl also came to her feet.

- Kirk!

The girl obviously had a transmitter. A car arrived in the alley, surprisingly an undertaker car. Then a guy in a black suit stepped out of the car. Like JJ Napier he had a bazooka. The girl somersaulted towards the car, while the guy started firing at Batman and Barbara. Shocked Batman and Barbara quickly had to get out of the line of fire. The guy only stopped firing at them when the girl and he had got into the car. Then they drove away. Ace came out from his hiding place and started barking at the car when it left.

- Harley has trained the kids well, said Barbara. I’ve been waiting for this. It was time for the new Killer Clowns to meet the new Batman.

- Who was she? asked Batman. And who was the Undertaker?

- You’ve just met Joker’s and Harley Quinn’s second child, Juno. She’s a copy of Harley. The Undertaker is called Kirk Dennis, and he’s Juno’s husband. They have two kids.

- Has that slim knockout given birth twice?

- No, once. They had twins. The kids, Deidre and Delia, are mostly staying with Harley.

- Incredible! I could never tell.

- Isn’t it cute with a black belt in karate? She wanted to hypnotize you. This was a preview of what they can do. Juno killed another girl at Gotham High School, but I could never prove it. Harley’s looks and Joker’s brains are a dangerous combination. JJ, Juno and Kirk caused a lot more trouble at Gotham High School than could ever had happened at Hamilton Hill High School. They continued at Gotham University. JJ and Juno have always been the same troublemakers. At their bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah it was chaos in the whole block. JJ and Juno are only half-Jewish. Harley’s Jewish, Joker wasn’t. The kids are as insane as their parents. Harley has trained them to become the new Killer Clowns. She wants to revenge Joker’s death. Juno’s marriage to Kirk has also secured the third generation. I’m sure JJ’s breeding too, but that’s not official. Harley pretends not to be involved in the crimes, but I know she is. I just can’t prove it. Now we’re looking for two Killer Clowns.

Batman had heard many stories about Joker and Harley Quinn. JJ and Juno gave him an impression of what they had been like. Bruce had hoped that the Killer Clowns had disappeared with Joker’s death. All the same, Juno was real good-looking.

Barbara and Batman continued to investigate the neighborhood. They suddenly found JJ’s purple car parked in an alley. This could be the sign of one of the Killer Clown hideouts being close. It was mostly dark in the alley, but there was light from one of the windows. When Batman tried the door it was, strangely enough, not locked. However Batman never got to open the door, before Juno suddenly stood in the doorway.

- Knock, knock, Batfake!

Batman saw that Juno now was dressed in a jester costume. Then Batman saw Juno’s shoe before she knocked him down.

When Batman woke up, he found himself and Barbara tied to a wall. In the room were also Juno and JJ. Then Batman realized that he wasn’t wearing either his mask or his batbelt.

- Hiya, Terry! You look just like the passport photo. I’ve hacked all your files.

It was JJ who had spoken. He was a copy of Joker. The difference was that his face was painted chalk white, and his hair dyed green.

- I’m JJ Napier, pleased to meet you. More exact I’m Jack Napier Jr. You’ve met my sister, Juno Dennis. Harleen Jr Napier Dennis. You and Invalid-Gordon can’t have a clue about where you are, Batfake. You’re in one of our torture chambers. All the equipment is from our parents. Look, Juno, here comes the third member of Our Happy Family!

Kirk Dennis, the Undertaker, came into the room. Batman could study him too. Undertaker was sophisticated, but with a lot of violence within. Batman could sense rivalry between him and JJ. Being allies didn’t have to mean being friends in the criminal world.

- Kirk! Look, we have guests!

Juno threw herself around Kirk’s neck. Then they kissed. It was a very different kiss from the kiss Juno almost gave Batman. The memory made Juno give Batman a malicious smile. She knew he had been attracted to her. It was no strange reaction. Juno was a very beautiful girl, who definitely could be charming when she wanted to. In her jester costume she was a copy of Harley Quinn. No matter Juno’s deadly beauty, there could never be a girl like Dana to Batman.

Meanwhile Batman saw JJ going through his batbelt. He picked out the batarangs and all the other equipment. JJ smiled and threw one of the batarangs towards Batman and Barbara. The batarang got stuck on the wall.

- What are you after, JJ? asked Batman.

- Some information, this time. You’ll give it to us, no matter you want to or not. Of course we also want some fun!

Then JJ laughed and used his buzzer on Batman. The repeated shocks made Batman pass out again. After a while he came to his senses again.

- Got it, Batfake? I’m a trained torturer. How is Brucie, Batfake? You know, the real Batman. Is he still limping just as much? He probably hasn’t told you, that his injury comes from his last fight with our dad.

- Keep Bruce out of this! He was Batman once, but I’m the new Batman.

- You’re nothing but a wannabee!

- How is Dana? asked Juno. Is she anything like Catwoman? Hanging around with Batman could be lethal for her too.

- Keep Dana out of this too! Where’s Ace by the way?

- The doggy is watching the batmobile. We’ll let him play with Stan and Ollie some day. That’s JJ’s hyenas.

- You’re as mad as your parents! said Barbara. They also killed people for fun.

- Murders can be real funny. You have no sense of humor.

- Let’s show them our latest torture DVD, said Kirk.

- Great idea, Kirk!

Juno went searching among a box of DVD’s. She laughed when she found was she was looking for. Then she started the DVD player. Batman and Barbara were shocked to see the film.

- Joker and Harley Quinn used to send their torture DVD’s to GCPD. The younger detectives passed out when they watched them.

- This is what happened to the kids who asked for the candy shop, explained Juno.

- What if it had been your kids, Juno? asked Barbara. Had that been just as fun?

- DeeDee hadn’t asked for the candy shop. They had killed the candy shop owner!

- They’ll become new Killer Clowns one day, smiled Kirk.

- Time for some feminine touch!

Juno approached Batman again. Then she gave him a shock with her buzzer. Before he passed out completely, Batman noticed that Juno also gave Barbara a shock.

Batman realized he must have been unconscious for a long time. When he woke up he first didn’t realize where he was. Then he realized he was in the batmobile. Ace lay on the floor. What had happened in the Killer Clowns’ torture chamber felt like a distant nightmare. Batman sensed the presence of a woman close to him in the backseat. In his half consciousness, half unconsciousness he thought it could be Dana. He should wake her with a kiss.

- Get off me! I could tell Sam about this!

- Sorry, Barbara! I confused you with Dana.

- Juno must have twisted your head completely.

- Why didn’t they kill us?

- They wanted you to know that they know everything about you. The Killer Clowns made fun of us.

Batman and Barbara found Barbara’s police car. Of course the Killer Clowns had destroyed the tires. Batman gave Barbara a lift to the police station before returning to the batcave. Terry had a lot to tell Bruce about.

- I knew you would soon meet the new Killer Clowns. JJ and Juno are as dangerous as their parents. They’re just as insane. You liked the girl didn’t you?

- She’s beautiful, but she’s mad.

- I understand your attraction. It’s the same reason why guys were attracted to Harley. They were killed when Harley and Joker had made enough fun of them. I’m warning you about Juno, Terry. Being attracted to her is also a lethal attraction.

- I don’t want Juno, Bruce, I want Dana. However it had been unfair not to say Juno is beautiful. Actually, she’s very beautiful. Kirk made a real catch.

- Not to mention the upper hand it meant to marry Joker’s daughter.

Only a short while later Batman had his next encounter with a Killer Clown. Batman was in the batcave, working at the batcomputor. When he heard steps in the stairs, he first thought that Bruce was coming into the batcave. Then he saw the purple suit.

- Hiya, Batfake! Time to visit your place.

- How did you find the batcave, JJ?

- Easy, I know where Brucie lives. I’m not after you this time. You have something I want back. Among Brucie’s trophies is one of my mom's jester costume. It’s not either yours or Brucie’s size. Juno wants it. Are you taking it out for me, or should I destroy the monter?

Batman thought that he could give the jester costume to JJ. It was after all Harley’s. He opened the monter and took out the jester costume. It wasn’t worth fighting about. He also wanted to get rid of JJ without to much damage. Batman the saw that JJ was at the batcomputor. He was going through the files about his parents. JJ became more and more annoying the longer he stayed in the batcave.

- What a great picture of my parents! I’m printing it.

- You’ve got what you came for, JJ. Take the jester costume and leave.

- Always in a bad mood. By the way, when I said I wasn’t after you, I was.

JJ knocked Batman down. Then he left the batcave.

When Batman came to his senses again, he noticed that the batcomputor screen was blank. Then he realized that the harddrive was gone. Terry ran up the stairs to find Bruce. He had also passed out for a while, as JJ had knocked him down too.

- We need the backup and a new harddrive, said Terry.

Wrapped in a box the harddrive was returned after some days. Included was a note, which said: ¨Hiya, Batfake! Thanks for the loan. I’ve copied your harddrive. Yours is empty now. See you soon! Love JJ.¨